After speaking with several people the last few days about cancer, one thing kept ringing in my ears louder and louder!  And the doctors are still not telling the millions of people with cancer!!

We trust our doctors and listen to them and believe they are doing everything they can to help save our lives.  This is true in most cases.  But my experience tells me they don’t have all the tools.  And if you don’t have the tools, you can’t use the tools, and if you don’t have the tools, you can’t share the tools.

Speaking from personal experience only, I know when I asked the most obvious question to my team of doctors, their faces dropped and they said, I don’t know how!!

This story starts at the beginning of my cancer survivor story.  I didn’t know anything really about cancer, not a lot about health and healing and certainly nothing about natural medicine.  I studied the diagnosis and test results.  I listened to my team of doctors and evaluated the options for treatment they presented.

Then I asked the question I thought everyone asked.  “Okay, if you remove the tumors in surgery, that’s great, what next?  Obviously my body is not performing appropriately if I am growing tumors.  Something is wrong with my cells, or systems or processes or something.  So, what are we going to do to build my body and heal my body so my cells won’t keep doing the wrong thing?”

Their faces went blank, as if I asked something they had never heard before.  Now you got to remember, I was new at this cancer thing.  I just assumed this question was asked several times a day.  This is what these doctors did every day, all day, for thousands of patients.  I assumed they had an answer.  I was so confused at the reaction and I didn’t understand.  What weren’t they telling me?  Why are they avoiding my question?  What am I missing here?

I didn’t understand the magnitude of this response for a few years.

Then I was told, “We don’t know how to do that!”

Well to me it was the most obvious question that would lead to the best chance of survival, HEAL the body.  I kept thinking, good they can get rid of the BIG tumor, but what about the rest of the cells.  What makes them believe they won’t keep multiplying and create another tumor?  Is this how cancer works?  Can’t be.  I didn’t want to believe it.  I must be missing something.

Then they kept saying my melanoma would be back soon, but I couldn’t get a good plan out of them on how to heal my cells and systems and body.  So I had to do something to help myself.  This is when I started my journey into natural healing and integrative medicine.  I learned all I could and began healing body, mind and spirit.

Little did I know where this journey would end.  I guess I still don’t, and it doesn’t matter.  I am learning to enjoy the adventure.  Resting in the knowingness that the perfect experience will happen today or NOW.

This new year began with a knowingness from within to start cleansing my physical body.  I followed my heart and had no idea where this journey would take me.  At the time, I had no plans for a trip to Tulum.  I only felt a need to clean out the old and begin putting clean, healthy nutrients back in a clean body.

When we remove the old (no matter what it is) there is room available for the new.  This is true in cleaning out old clothes, or dealing with a painful experience, or facing a negative relationship, or any experience in life.  The cleansing began to prepare the way for removing  the old and making room for something new.

When we listen and trust God leads us and guides us on our journey.  I was ready to listen and trust that my next step would be provided.

I was cleaning my intestines and colon and eating good organic food, when the opportunity landed at my door to go to Tulum.  See the first Tulum Story. 

My body was prepared for the experiences in Tulum.  I was able to physically endure the exercises including yoga, pilates and cardio.  I was mentally clearer to be present.  Being present in conversations with the other women, with yoga, or my healing sessions, or in the sweat lodge all allowed me to truly be there and experience it.  I was clearer as emotions came up I was able to feel, see and experience them.  So I could let them go forever.

A calm and peace appears as we are present and connected to God and our true self.  This awareness is comforting and peaceful.  We are able to see and know things we didn’t before.  Answers to questions appear, and guidance on decisions is available. 

So this was an amazing plan.  Not a plan I was consciously aware of, but a plan that I trusted and followed.  Tulum was a healing and growth process.   I feel as if I shedded another layer or layers of “stuff” I have been carrying around this human body.  As I shed more “stuff”,  New “stuff” arrives.  I anxiously wait for more new stuff.  What do I mean by stuff???

Well new exciting experiences are coming my way, new rewarding relationships, new opportunities to do what I love, new opportunities to help other people, new information I never heard about……..the list goes on and on.

This is life! So let’s enjoy the adventure together!

As they were closing the door for the second time, I said, “I am ready!  I am going back in!”

I saw who I was, the being beyond the mind and the fear. This recognition was part of my healing and was part of my purpose there at that moment.

Confidently I enter the lodge and centered myself within.  I began to breathe and focussed on the energy within my body.  I focussed only on the moment and the experience I was having.  I allowed my mind to be still with no thought whatsoever.

The steam and heat increased and I bathed in the cleansing energy.  It was as if part of me was being washed away and I was lighter and clearer.   I soaked up the energy of the ceremony.  I began to feel my energy rise and a smile covered my face.  I was able to feel the peace and joy within and all around me.  I just wanted to giggle.  With singing, chanting, drumming and horns we celebrated.  I entered a state so profound and so loving, I didn’t want it to end.

As the last door opened the exhileration I felt was amazing. We were led outside and squatted next to the lodge.  In gratitude, I prayed as they bathed us in buckets of water.  They wrapped us in fresh white sheets.  Refreshed and new we surrounded the fire pit where this had all begun.  In celebration, we gave thanks for the ceremony, the purification and healing of body, mind, and spirit and for this wonderful thing called life.

I remained in this state of peace and gratitude for several hours.  My awareness expanded and the love I felt for life and all beings here was miraculous.  Each of us experienced something different; some cried and some experienced intense physical sensations.  We experienced mental, emotional and physical cleansing. 

Each of us will take an important gift with us after the experience.

I allowed cleansing of negative emotions, healing of physical ailments, clearing of mental concerns and releasing of spiritual blockages.  After surrendering, I was able to have a life changing experience.

Lesson five was felt deep within….at any moment I have a choice.  Allow my mind to become me or step into my true self.

Many North American and Central American Indian tribes have traditionally used the sweat lodge for purification, cleansing and healing of mind, body, emotions and spirit.

I knew the sweat ceremony was another opportunity for cleansing and healing for me and I was so excited to participate. Only six of the ten women chose to participate. We began with a ceremony outside standing around a fire. Together we chanted and offered prayers. Although I don’t think any of us really understood one thing said or done. Our leader was a shaman in his thirties who had grown up with the tradition in Mexico. Each of us then left our hand print in the sand around the fire and then proceeded to the sweat lodge.

“The sweat lodge is a ceremonial sauna. During the ceremony, the participants encircle the stone pit inside the lodge. The medicine man, shaman, or elder, the leader of the ceremony, perhaps better referred to as the pourer, receives the glowing hot stones from the firekeeper and places them in the pit using a pitch fork. When enough stones have been placed in the lodge, the medicine man (pourer) closes the door and pours water on top of the stones to fill the lodge with steam. This happens usually four times, with periods of between ten minutes to hours spent sweating in the lodge.”

The lodge looked like an igloo with heavy blankets covering the entrance. As I squatted to enter my heart raced and my mind took over. I am CLAUSTRAPHOBIC!

Slowly one by one hot rocks were placed in the fire pit and we repeated chants of the shaman. Then they lowered the heavy wool blankets over the opening and the black filled interior. No sound, no light, as the heat filled the space and my body. I began to panic! There would be five doors total the shaman informed us.

Again, I watched as I created the thoughts of fear. Observing I chose to breathe, to become present in this moment. I listened to each breath and the peace filled me. The shaman began chanting and we all offered our intentiions for the ceremony. I stated my intention: To drop all past experiences and suffering and to heal and become one with all in gratitude.

Water was poured over the glowing hot rocks and stimulated by fanning with large palms. The heat and steam filled the dome inclosure. It got hotter and hotter and louder and louder as we were shouting healing chants. Then I heard “Puerta, Puerta” and I was relieved to see some light and feel the coolness of the night air. I took deep breaths to remain in the moment and not let my mind wander. Overcome by heat and emotion, one of the women had to leave.

Again, one by one they carefully lifted several more hot rocks through the opening and then again the blackness surrounded us. The heat was increasingly intense and I was dripping wet from head to foot.

We chanted intentions of healing and gratitude. I became overwhelmed by the heat and had to lay my head on the ground. My mind was telling me to run….jumpup and crawl out the door. Then again I heard “Puerta, Puerta” and the light was a welcomed sight. I continued to wrestle with my mind, and I knew I was, I was conscious of what I was doing. I knew the fear in my mind was not real. I knew these thoughts were crazy.

RUN, RUN, RUN!

I screamed, “Let me out!”

As I stood among the trees and the cool night breeze, I saw clearly how my mind had won!!

I was so grateful each day to experience this space of peace.  Then I began noticing the group I started yoga with was dwindling.  Where were they?  Weren’t they experiencing this same peace?

Later I found them having breakfast in the restaurant cabana, or walking from the store or on their computers doing business.  Their focus seemed to be somewhere else, but I really didn’t know where.  I caught myself trying to figure it out and then I realized, it doesn’t matter.  My mind wanted to create some story about this group of women.  This is what the mind does.  It creates thoughts that become stories.  Then we carry these stories with us.  We begin to believe the stories and then make the stories part of who we are. 

I watched my mind once again try to create something that had nothing to do with me. The funny part is, the story it was creating about these women, was all made up and probably was completely false.  How ridiculous!!

 How many times in our lives do we create these elaborate stories about a situation or person and then believe them?!  And then we ACTUALLY live out the story in our lives!  Amazing!

Instead,  I became the observer of my mind.  The observer was really me.  The observer is the awareness, is the essence of who I am.  And I could choose if I really wanted to create this story.  I choose NO!…………..

After breakfast it was off to the beach, no not to lay and relax, but for a beach workout.
We climbed stairs, carried bamboo shoots, ran relays, lunged, and sweated in the heat.
This was tough!  After an hour in the heat, I was exhausted and wondered how many days I could continue this level of exercise.  I was sure glad I didn’t have the belief that you had to work this hard to stay in shape.  And again I wondered, is this what these women believe you have to do to stay healthy?

At this point, I was hot and tired and all I wanted was the beach and a chair.  I raced into the crashing waves and dove under the aqua water to cool down.  Then I laid back and floated with the huge waves taking inventory once again of the beauty around me.  I felt alive within and felt the aliveness of nature the sea, the wind, the trees, and birds.  I settled into just being.

Lesson three was felt deep within….at any moment I have a choice.  Do I want my mind to control my life or do I want to be the observer of the mind?

The first morning as I made my way down the sandy path to the yoga cabana, I felt the warmth of the sun and the smell of the sea and I felt at home.  I have always loved the sea and each time I return it feels like a homecoming. Although, 7:30 yoga class was a stretch for me, considering there were no telephones for a wake up call, but I arrived on time. 

An amazing young woman guided us through the yoga rituals.  The postures and positions were challenging, all centered on opening our hearts.  I could feel my energy change and a feeling of peace was all around me.  As we open our hearts we are most connected to our true selves, and we feel the love that we are.  A smile spread across my face.  Each time I return to this space, I wonder how I could have wandered so far away from me.

You see the past year had been a series of challenging and unpleasant experiences.  Throughout the year I wandered further away from me.  I became distracted by all the stuff and all the stories about the stuff.  I lost track of me again and wasn’t listening to that still small voice within.   I let my focus become the activities and experiences, instead of staying centered in my heart.  It has been my opportunity to balance the quiet, stillness of being with the craziness of the world. 

Now a new year and a new awakening….I am home again…and I want to stay in the space of peace.  The New Year began with a cleansing of the old, and now I saw how my physical cleansing, organic eating, and exercise were part of the adventure.  Clean out the old to make room for the new.  This is true physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  I then realized this week would be a week of dropping some heavy bags (experiences) I have been carrying, so I could continue my journey of awakening.

Each day through yoga I became clearer and more grounded. This resort, spa, or wilderness camp (whichever you choose to call it!) had a healing energy all of us could feel.  We became calmer and more peaceful, and even slower in our motions.
This place gave each of us the opportunity to transform.  Now who was truly ready?
Who would seize the opportunity?

Lesson two of my adventure was felt deep within my heart.  Living from the inside out, the presence revealed, creates the peace we long for.

What could I have possibly been thinking?  Staying in a stick hut all by my self, in some foreign country, in the middle of a jungle, with murders, rapists, burglars, wild animals………………………….

As the travel fatigue increased, my mind accelerated………………………….

Looking at the door I realized anyone could knock it down.  The three inch gaps between the sticks offered a perfect opportunity for someone to reach in.  The candles flickered and shadows paraded across the walls of my hut.  Was that a person shadow or a palm tree shadow?

Ridiculous!! I was creating all of these crazy thoughts.  This wasn’t real, I was creating them!  Then I began to believe it!  My mind was taking over my reality and who I was.
I knew it, so I watched it.  I watched my mind create horrible thoughts over and over.  I felt my body unable to relax and sleep.  I felt my emotions vacillate between terror and desperation.

WOW!  This is what we do in our lives. 

In the midst of the fear, I had stepped out and became the observer.  I reconnected to my heart and my true self.  And I saw clearly how we all do this every day in our lives.  We allow our minds to become us.  As I rested in my heart space, I was calm and drifted off to sleep.

As my eyes cracked open, peering through my bug net over my bed, the beautiful blue sky greeted me.  The birds were singing and the aqua sea reached as far as I could see.  The palm tree outside my hut gently stretched in the wind.  The beauty is overwhelming. 

I lay in my tented bed pondering life and the horror of the night and the beauty of the day.  What is real? 

Lesson one of my adventure was felt deep within my heart.  The mind creates all our suffering.

This was an experience for me to explore and be adventurous.  In reality this was going to be a tremendous opportunity for growth and transformation.  If I choose……………

I just spent the most amazing week in Tulum Mexico.Trusting all would work out perfectly, four days before my departure, I booked a flight and a stick hut on the beach. Yes, you heard right…..A stick hut on the beach! Why would anyone pay to sleep in a stick hut with no electricity and bugs and geckos on my walls? For the experience of course!!!!

I arrived at the airport and immediately spotted Nancy, the coordinator of the trip. Shocked by my presence, she couldn’t believe I was there and that I was going with the group. She is the owner of CenterSpace Pilate’s studio in Minneapolis, Minnesota.  She and eight of her clients were headed for Tulum to the Maya Spa at Azulik for a week of relaxation, yoga, Pilates, and healing.

I had only spoken once to Nancy about the trip and I had expressed interest. We couldn’t connect and she didn’t know I was coming. But I showed up at the airport for the adventure. I had met Nancy on the beaches of Tulum one year ago.

I had actually walked through this spa with Tim, my husband, to determine if we would want to stay here at some time. I said I definitely would want to come back and stay at the resort, even though it looked quite remote and primitive. Tim wasn’t so sure! Amazing how we create our reality by our thoughts and feelings. Ten months later, I was at the spa for a week retreat. Little did I know exactly the experience I would have.

I was open for whatever was to be. The first night I was directed to my cabana in the dark. Clumsily, I found the candles and matches to light the room. There in the middle of the room was my bed encased in a bug net. A small chair sat next to the bed. Across the room sat a water cooler and a small stand for my candles.

Cautiously in the dark I took six steps down a little hall and I found my bathroom and was able to get another candle lit in there so I could see. A small cement shower, toilet and sink reminded me of old outdoor bathrooms we used while camping in the woods.

Exhausted from a day of traveling I fell into bed. The waves were crashing into the rocks and shore, the night creatures were scurrying by my hut, geckos were crawling on my wall and the blackness filled every direction. Then the reality hit….I am alone in this darkness and I am scared to death!